"the one who walks beside"

There is an American Indian phrase that is used to designate the person who walks beside another, through out their life; it is, "the one who walks beside."  This simple expression is clearly referring to a spouse, a best friend, a brother, a sister, etc., who, regardless of the kind of conditions or circumstances that surround the beloved person, will walk by his or her's side.  This kind of relationship exudes characteristics of loyalty, love, support, protection, respect, selflessness: my wife would say, "they are attached at the hip."

 This phrase accurately describes the relationship my wife and I had.  She was the one who walked beside.  I say "was" because my wife passed away, unexpectedly Dec. 11, 2015.  My wife, Mary Lou, was  not feeling well after Thanksgiving.  She complained of stomach pains, thinking she had an urinary infection, which she had had several times previous.  We went to urgent care, and she was diagnosed with a severe urinary infection, and was given three antibiotic pills.  Mary Lou seemed satisfied that the pills would cure her infection, as they had on previous occasions, and she would be fully recovered in three days.  The next day, Mary Lou wasn't feeling any better and complained of lower back pain and a severe headache.  We went to see an orthopedic doctor who took x-rays of her lower  back with the result that, other than some arthritis her lumbar area was fine.  The next day Mary Lou was getting weaker. and we decided to go to the hospital emergency facility.  She was so weak that she could not put on her socks and shoes, I had to put them on her feet.

It was 2;30pm when she was wheeled into the emergency room, and immediately the staff begin to take her vitals,  Her blood pressure was over 200.  Her breathing was fast and labored; they gave her oxygen.  They dripped a drug into her vein to relax her, and to help with her headache.  Their immediate tests did not reveal a satisfactory diagnosis.  Next, the lead doctor decided to give her a MRI.  After the MRI they moved her back into the emergency room, where we had to wait for the results.  I was by her side as we waited for the results, she told me 'to go get something to eat.'  I told her "I was fine;" there was no way I was going to leave her side.

The lead doctor came into the room with a diagnosis.  With no empathy, she describes the diagnosis as, acute myeloblastic leukemia, she and her colleagues were certain of their diagnosis because Mary Lou's white blood count was over 300,000. The normal range of white blood cells in a body. is about 10,000.  Mary Lou and I were shocked, This diagnosis, seemed out of the blue and way beyond our expectations.  The lead doctor went on to say that they could do no more for Mary Lou, and recommended that she be transported to the U. of Minnesota Hospital where they have a greater capacity to treat that kind of leukemia.  We agreed, and begin to wait for the transport ambulance. My wife looked at me and said, "I will not be the same," meaning she will lose her mental awareness with all the invasive drugs and treatments.  I knew she was right.  Next she said, "Pray for me, and not to your God, but my God."  I said, "Yes I will," and added,  "they are both the same God."  Mary Lou began to call my name several times, I answered, "What?" she said that she just liked saying my name.  Than she said, "You will have to be strong."  That was a telltale sign to me that she knew she would not make it out alive, and that  I needed to be strong for the children and grandchildren.

Mary Lou's blood pressure was still over 200, and the lead doctor dripped a drug into Mary Lou's vein that would help to reduce her high blood pressure  The drug was working, Mary Lou's blood pressure was falling, but it fall too low.  Now the lead doctor call for another drug line that would rise Mary Lou's blood pressure, but her right arm was full up with lines, so they had to use her left arm.  They could not find a suitable vein, they began to move her on her side, then on to her back, through all that chaos, Mary Lou cried our, "I feel dizzy, I feel dizzy, I feel dizzy." I knew right than, after her last words were spoken, that  she had passed, but the emergency room team continued  to work to revive my wife with no success.  They pronounced her dead at 6:50 pm. 

While the emergency room team, (there were at least eight people) began to pack up their tools and sweep up the debris, a compassionate team member was consoling me and asked if I would like to have the hospital's Chaplin come to talk to me.  My first response was "No," but I remembered that I had promised my wife that I would pray for her, so I consented to have the Chaplin talk to me..  The Chaplin was of the Catholic Faith, and read words from a holy book, and then he and I said the Lord's Prayer.  To my great sorrow, I walked out of the hospital alone, without  "the one who walks beside."

Its has been over two month now since Mary Lou passed, and although I am still emotionally fragile, I have partially processed the experience.  I would like to pass along my understandings to you, with the hope that they may bring helpful insights for you in matters of death and relationships. 

(Insights Within Matters of Death)  There is a great ambiguity that is true for all humans, whether you like it or not.  This ambiguity is a super, imposed effect of living a human life.  It is an unseeming, unreasonable condition beyond our intellectual reasoning power to understand.  The ambiguity within human life is that, the very nature of our existence is forever changing, on both micro and macro levels.  Everything, as the ancient philosophers said, is constantly in flux.  As we move through this changing nature of life, we become anxious and fearful, and in order to combat or some how control this perpetual change, we use our consciousness and intelligence to stabilize, status-quotize, the bombardment of changes attacking us.  This constant combat puts us under great stress.

How do we use our intelligence and reasoning power to bring our lives into a semblance of stability?  We do it by assigning a value to our sensations and experiences.  For instance, for every sensation or experience we assign a like, dislike, or neutral value, along with their related behaviors and emotions.  As we move through our lives we create a grand grid, where all experiences and all sensations can be properly fixed.  When new sensations or experiences arise we have only to match their relative correspondence to that particular part of the grid, and fix it in.  Ironically, even though we have labored hard to stabilize our lives, "change," is immune to our self created grid, and relentlessly marches on.  There is an apt saying, "If you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans"

It isn't until you have noticed, "...the eternal footman hold your coat and snicker," that your entire grid begins to crack  Just like driving your car in a Winter snow storm, brings a high probability of getting stuck or into a wreck, no matter what your car's worth or its technical capabilities. Winter snow is the great equalizer, but the greatest equalizers of our human condition are,  old-age and death.  So, no matter what we do, think or say old-age and death will come to us all. This inevitable condition of our lives brings us the greatest ambiguity.  In our quest for control and stability we live our life how we would like it to be, rather than living life exactly as it is.  This distinction has more subtlety then there appears; give it some thought.   

Over the course of human reflection certain distinct elements have been identified in the make-up of human beings.  Humans are composite beings, and their composition can be identified and classified, yet these elements represent more than their naming and ordering.  Christian teaching breaks these elements into three: body, soul, spirit, with Hindu and Oriental teaching breaking them down into, 5, 7, 10, or 12, elements.  When physical death accrues there ensues to the body, not a lose of life , but a lose of individualized coherence (the breaking down of the composite elements of life). In other words, the once individualized unity of the body, after death, becomes diffused; it becomes diffused without the dominating control of a centralized inner government, (the hierarchy of elements).  In truth, physical death is not an autonomous force, a "purblind doomster" that destroys life, but paradoxically, it is life which is the cause of physical death.  Life's unfolding field of consciousness spreads beyond the capacity of the physical body to contain it, consequently the body, over a period of time, deteriorates to the point of being cast off; this entire process is what we term physical death.

The moment we are born into this world, the countdown to our physical death begins.  This inevitable preconditioned effect is not emotionally, psychologically, physically, or spiritually,  easy to absorb.  At this point in our evolutionary development, we are primarily link-in to the material world. We are building our egos, as the poet Delmore Schwartz writes,  upon "the scrimmage of appetite every ware,"  We grow our ego while at the same time strangling our higher selves, our souls and spirit.  Death is our constant companion, therefore, find a way to embrace death as a companion, then understand it as a natural process and to surrender and let Universal Nature take its course.

Here is a poem I wrote that may give you a little perspective, its called, "Does anyone know what it is like?"

               "Danny's dead!  It  can not be.  I played
                   handball with him two days ago.  He seemed fine then."
               He died sitting in his chair in front of the T.V,
                  reading the TV Guide.
               Two days ago I had a friend, today he is gone.  The
                  unsettling part of that idea is that I am in the same
                  death march line as Danny.  His death moves me
                  closer to my death.
               As soon as your life is spawned on Earth so is your
                  death.  Since your position in the line of death begins so
                  far behind, it takes decades to realize you'ar even
                  in line. However, the movement is relentless, closer,
                  closer, second by second.  You call those ahead of
                  you in the line, "Does anyone know what's its like?"
                  No answer, only the steady movement forward.
               Each generation marches with growing trepidation to
                  the precipice of death, and inevitably falls in.  One by
                  one, another generation gone and marching in the rear,
                  the next generation.
               Each calling ahead, as did the previous generation, "Does
                  anyone now what's like?  If you do please tell me." 
                  And as always, no answer, only the steady movement
                  towards the inevitable.
  For more understanding see, "I saw the eternal footman hold my coat and snicker" 9-24-09 archives.

(Insight within Matters of Relationships)  Let's reiterate what was said about the human elements that make up the life force of the human being, and then expand on them.  We will use the three elements designated by the Christians: spirit, soul, body,(they are displayed hierarchically, spirit being the highest). The spirit/soul elements enter the body via a vortexual movement, through the crown of the body, and infiltrates all atoms, molecules, and cells of the body.  This vortexual movement expands out wards in what is known as an aura; auric fields that surround the body.  I know, I know, you are probably saying to yourself, "What does all this metaphysical stuff have to do with relationships."  Please stay with me, I promise an explanation will be forth coming.  (If this subject sounds interesting to you, a good resource is Jack Schwarz's book, "Human Energy Systems.")  There are people that can see the life force vortex and the aura: Jack Schwarz was one who could see auras.  He used that vision to help heal people. 

We therefore, move through our lives interacting and intergrading within the full spectrum of our life force elements.  In other words, within our auric field we are engaging and intergrading our physical, psychological, soul and spiritual elements with all beings, as are they engaging and intergrading their full spectrum of  life force elements with us.  So, we are relating on all levels, high and low, with all beings which we encounter whether we realize it or not.  Lets give an example, boy meets girl, and there is an attraction.  Remember this attraction occurs not merely on the physical level, but also on the higher soul/spirit levels.  At the beginning of a relationship there is intense use of energy, ranging from all levels of life force elements.  As the relationship matures, there is a movement towards the mundane because of our current, evolutionary position, leaning toward the material side.  The soul/spirit elements begin to freeze, and the relationship settles into responsibilities and duties. Love, although still residing within the relationship environment, has low energy, having been suppressed.  This is the time in a relationship when a hero is needed to step-up.  The hero is usually the woman, because of her natural, caring heart, although men are also capable.  The hero subdues the tension, anger, arguing, and positioning for who is right and who is wrong, with sincere touch, hug, kiss, or loving words.  The hero might appear to be submissive, by losing her pride and assertiveness, but to the hero the loss is small compared to the quieting of the unrest, and the return of love. My great regret is that sometimes I would hang on to my anger, instead of moving quickly into love.  I certainly knew better, but I was selfish and stayed in my anger; no good ever came of that desire.

As the relationship grows into old age all the anguish of younger days seems to blow away, like smoke from a fire blown by the wind.  You begin to see from a higher perspective and to become aware of your world as it really is, rather then how you want it to be, or not; remember there is  a dark side to life and if you labored steadily in that realm you would have built a powerful web, difficult to untangle from,  In Pema Chodron book , "Living Beautifully," she says, "All the wars, all the hatred, all the ignorance in the world comes out of being so invested in our opinions.  And at the bottom, those opinions are merely our effort to escape the underlying uneasiness of being human; the uneasiness of feeling like we can't get ground under our feet."  Also in Pema's book is a symbol related by one of her teachers, that intends to measure the quality of a human's life.  The symbol is a black rectangle with pin wholes of light puncturing through the blackness.  Each pin whole light represents an unconditional act of love.  The measurement of the quality of a  human's life is by the number of pin whole lights in relationship to the darkness.  The greater number of pin whole lights the higher the quality of human life, and the lower number of pin whole light the lower is the quality of human life.  May the power of your love puncture the darkness like the morning sun. 

coma esta Pa, Pa

I am on a veranda in Montecatini, Italy, thinking of my Pa, Pa.  My Pa, Pa immigrated from Italy when he was 18 years old.  He was born and raised in the District of Foggia, in the town of St. Agatha.  My nephew, Chris did some research and found that Pa, Pa entered the U.S. from Boston; every one in the family believed that he entered from New York and immediately traveled to Chicago where his sister Florence lived.  It is a point of regret that I took my parents as strictly parents, and never thought to ask questions about  the full expanse of their lives.

What I do know about my Pa, Pa was, he was a quiet man, who loved to laugh, to talk Italian to his pisano's, from Chicago, who never complained, and above all, loved his family.  Here is an example of his deep family love: Pa, Pa was a diabetic, and within the course of his disease he was diagnosed with angina and glaucoma.  This was a devastating diagnose for him because he knew that he would be completely blind.  Pa, Pa and I were alone in the hospital room, he looked at me and said, "This is the end of our family."  He did not express fear, anger, self-pity nor did he begin to rant and rave, only the sadness of ending our family. 

Don't get the wrong idea that every thing was the rosy hew of dawn, remember that the dawn chases darkness.  I wrote a  poem after Pa, Pa passed away, on June 10, at 66 years old:

Death comes to my Pa, Pa

My eyes were dry, I took his hand, warmth in a wasted man. I stroked his head, 'please Pa don"t be dead.'
We shared a family place, but how unfamiliar his face.  A spectra, a t-shirted form speaking to me of sports.  "Rocky Caliveto, hit another home run.  He does it with strong wrists.   Did you see that left-hook, like a slap from a lion's paw."
'Pa why didn't you talk to me the way you did my friends?  Pa, did you love other women?  Make mistakes when you were young?  Pa what was growing up in Italy like?
'Damn your soul!'  I threw his hand to his sunken chest.  'You left me without showing me what it is to be a man.'
My eyes were wet , when they took him away in the van.

I had pervious opportunities to visit Italy.  In 1952, my  Pa, Pa made plans to visit his family in Italy, and asked if I wanted to go.  I was 9 years old, and had just "made" the Home Store team of the newly formed Roseland, Little League.  Practice was to start two weeks before Pa, Pa was scheduled to leave.  All the best ball-players in the neighborhood were on the various teams, and plus, to ware a hat with the capital letter "R" was high status.  I said "No" to my Pa, Pa.  If I would have had a clearer mind at the time, I would have said "Yes."  Even now, 73 years later, I have  difficulty setting the  needs of others first, before my needs; maybe some of you can relate.  Another opportunity that was lost  came in the late 70's.  I was preparing to travel to Italy: carried over a couple weeks of vacation time, saved about $5000. dollars, and started Italian speaking lessons.  Than my travel plans were trashed when I decided to open up a Cross Country Ski business.  Finally, at age 72, I arrived in my Pa, Pa's homeland, Italy. 

Here is my second poem, I wrote about my Pa, Pa.  It should reveal some wisdom I gained over the years.

Years to be a man

'Pa forgive me, I didn't understand.  It took me 40 years to learn to be a man.  I was blind, and listened only to my need.  I could not hear over my emotional greed.  Your love was stamped upon my chest; yet, I didn't accepted it believing it wasn't the best.

'Pa, Pa I am sorry; what manner of man have I become, to decline the precious gift you freely given.  We Shared a family place, how selfish was my face.'

     Bravo Pa, Pa         

                                                                                                           

tick-tock-the tyranny of time

       Tick-tock, tick-tock, time answers to no one, but everyone
       answers to time.  We all march, lock step to the tick of the
       seconds, minutes, hours.

       Tick-tock, up at 7:00am, toilet, dress, breakfast, to be
       completed by 8:00am in order to arrive at work by 9:00am.
       Start at 9:00am, half hour lunch at 12:00pm, 15 minute break
       at 1:30pm, finish at 5:00pm.   The tyranny of time does not
       stop there.  We continue our march to the tick of time, until
       finely, conclude at 11:00pm in bed to sleep for 8 hours; than
       ring, ring, start the monotonous sequence, over and over again.

      Tick-tock, no time to 'smell the roses,' 'cease the day,' smile at
      some one, tick-tock, no time to listen to the leaves as the wind
      whistles through them, hear the children at play screaming and
      laughing, to breath in the Autumn air feeling its freshness, for
      watching the clouds slip through the sky; for this, for every
      thing, we don't have time; "little we see in nature that is ours;
      a sorted boon."

     You there! Open your window high and yell defiantly, "Hell no!
      No more a slave to the tick-tock of time, I am unhooking my chains,
      and walking free!"  Than set your will and imagination to the task
      of tick-tock never more.



              
                                I keep the beat


                 I keep the beat: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM
                   It is the beat of my being.
                There was a time I knew nothing of its rhythm.  Than I
                   moved at a swift pace, breaking down occasionally. 
                   It was those breaks, gaps, silences I heard the beat of
                   my being.
                Now I sit at my drum, setting its rhythm to the beat
                   my heart: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
                My heart beat is set to the heart beat of the Cosmos.
                   In this sacred harmony I dance to the cosmic pulse
                   and live by the heart beat: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
               Through the transformations of my life,
                    I keep the beat.
               Through the betrayals, jealousies, hatreds,
                    I keep the beat.
               Through the lies, manipulations, flatteries,
                    I keep the beat.
               Through the political hypocrisy, economic insanity,
                    religious bigotry,
                    I keep the beat.
               And when my rhythm sometimes falters and fades,
                    through doubt, fear, anger,
                    I keep the beat, and its percussion grows stronger
                    and louder: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
               I keep the beat because I know it to be True.  It fills me
                    with peace and joy: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
       

             
           
                 

               

cosmic impulse of truth and justice

Pope John/Paul II, who reined from 1978 to 2005, stirred up world wide opinion by his unforeseen statements of recognition and apology for the atrocious and complicit acts carried out by the Catholic Church at certain periods within the course of her historical existence.  Although his statements of apology pointed towards specific incidents, there seemed to be an genuine intention to include all the vile acts, emanating from the Church's origination to the present time.  To my mind Pope John/Paul's apology was bold and courageous, given the strict, ancient tenets surrounding actions taken by the Church concerning faith and morals.  The ancient Church doctrines give the reigning pope the attribute of infallibility whenever he makes a decision concerning faith and morals.  This recognition of infallibility comes out of the unbroken line  of vicarship dating back to Jesus the Christ, than to St. Peter, and continuing, unbroken to the present pope Francis.  St. Peter was the first living vicar of Christ; a living conduit from Jesus the Christ invested with His infallibility. 

The Pope's apology, as the Vicar of Christ, certainly brings into question the validity of the doctrine of infallibility.  Here we have the head of the Catholic Church, invested with the attribute of infallibility, admitting and apologizing for vile mistakes and complicit acts committed by the Church.  The Pope's action must have created waves of outrage through out the hierarchy of the Church.  Yet, despite the harsh theological and political reactions he knew he would receive, Pope John/Paul II spoke out.

Some speculate that because of the Pope's deteriorating health he wanted to make this apology the hallmark of his rein, and thus to be recognized by history as the pope of peace, justice, and truth.  Although the Pope's poor health might have added urgency to the timing of his apology, I cannot see the motivation being derived from such a selfish desire; rather I take this good man's actions as a peacemaker through out the world and his willingness to be the torchbearer of the virtues of justice and truth to be the guiding intent of his motivation.  Any interpretation of his apology as anything other than an act of sincere confession of repentance would be the cynical projection of the interpreter. 

The Pope's apology was unexpected and took most every one by surprise, but I believe his impulse towards truth and forgiveness was a dramatic representation of a more universal impulse for truth and justice beginning to unfold through out our entire world.  When we listen and pay attention to the events happening, we find empirical evidence that shows that within the present human, collective consciousness there is a germ of the virtues of truth and justice growing within our hearts and minds.  This impulse is not simply a reaction to acts of repression and force or is it an act of strict obedience to religious doctrine, but a fundamental, cosmic principle of being, that has impregnated our hearts and has begun to manifest. 

The ideas of truth, justice, and tolerance have attached themselves to our collective mind, and within the deliberate and inevitable, steady march of human evolution, will begin their growth towards full expression.  These are ideas whose time has come, and we say with Emerson, ..."It is impossible to tilt the beam.  All the tyrants, and proprietors, and monopolists of the world in vain set shoulder to heave the bar.  Settles evermore the ponderous equator to its line, and man, and mote, and star, and sun, must range to it or be pulverized  by the recoil."

economic ideas ruling our lives

We have forgotten a great many ideas as we moved along our way in life.  Some of these forgotten ideas have changed the course of  our lives, some were unfulfilled wishes, and some were mere expressions of our vanity, but all, regardless of the degree of their influence, gave us direct testimony to their power.

It is ideas that make and shake the world, and that unmake human beings and the world.  Ideas, once loosed by the human mind have the power to shape and determine present and future realities.  They can fizzle and sputter, and eventually die out or can, like a giant magnet, create a great field of influence, and attract and persuade the mind of millions.  It was ideas of compassion, love, and forgiveness by Gautama the Buddha and Jesus the Christ that lifted the hearts and minds of men and women out of spiritual depression and inertia, and into a higher spiritual awareness, which awareness, is still manifest today.  It was the ideas of, revenge, superiority and dominance from the mind of Hitler that launched our globe into World War II.

  What are the current ideas that influence our lives, and that make and shake our world?

Our minds are most focused today on ideas of how to accumulate wealth and material things or expressed in a poetical way, "getting and spending."  We have mixed the deeper aspects of our lives with ideas of "getting and spending."  For instance, we have taken simple and primary ideas of survival, (food, shelter, clothing, procreation, etc.) and convoluted them with complex ideas of business and investment economics such as, scarcity, supply and demand, profit, marketing, inflation, deflation, etc.  Where once obtaining the necessary knowledge, resources, and proper know-how for survival, while physically very demanding, was but a relatively simple task.  Survival today has become extremely complex, due to the involvement of vast for-profit business networks, and intrusive  public regulatory institutions, with the power to exert legislative and legal sanctions.  For example, instead of doing the work of building our own shelters with our community's help, we pay dollars that we earn from a job to a vast empire of real estate brokers, mortgage bankers, builders, trade workers, suppliers, and building code officials, who in turn take dollars as a consideration for the building of our shelter.  We call this involvement in getting dollars from our job, to spend on survival by the euphemism, "making a living."  We spend the better part of our lives pursuing, "making a living," and as a result have atrophied the best and highest part of our essence, our souls.

How have these ideas of economic getting and spending come to be so dominate in our cultural mind?

From about the Middle Ages on to our present time, the ideals that have been seeded and growing in Western Civilization were manifested by the strict deductive, rational thinking processes that came out of Western Philosophy and Western Religions.  The metrics of measuring and judging tangible objects as to, length, breath, and width, was a natural fit to just about every aspect of commerce and economics. Today these ideas have developed into an entire belief-system, sanctioned and maintained by a legion of economic preachers, with all manner of certified degrees, who have now tied in with the  technological developments of advertisement which have helped to reinforce, support, and expand this belief-system.   Both the private and public sectors of our culture have learned long ago how and where to use messages to promote and influence their special interests.  Consequently, our senses of sight and sound are continuously assaulted by streams of propaganda, slogans, and advertisements. 

We have been exposed so thoroughly to such messages that they have infiltrated into our cultural lives.  We have incorporated them into our every day speech, and have used them as basic truths for conducting our lives.  Plato, in his "Dialogues" remarks, ..."A man should come to resemble that which it delights him to associate."...   In a great irony, we have become to resemble the very products that we work to produce and offer for sale.  As products, what we offer for sale is our natural, human resources, in the form of economic productivity.

Like products, we package and market our productivity based upon the economic ideas working in our cultural belief system, which implicitly states that what validates us as human beings is our productivity. Thus we package ourselves in the most fashionable accessories, mark ourselves with a price tag, distribute ourselves in the wright demographics, and affirm ourselves with smart slogans.

It is through ignorance of our essential human constitution, that we place our greatest value on economic ideas, and value out humanness by our capacity to be economically productive.  By forcing our mind primarily on economic getting and spending, we have reduced what it means to be human to its lowest and most material common denominator.  The poet, Wordsworth admonishes us:

                 "The world is too much with us;
                        late and soon,
                  Getting and spending
                        we lay waste our powers;
                  Little we see in Nature that is ours;                      
                  We have given our hearts away,
                         a sordid boon!"...

We were not meant to live as products or increments of labor productivity or to direct our energy toward exclusive material gain and prestige, for a few self absorbed individuals or to blindly follow cultural belief systems based on the lowest and narrowest of ideas.  We were born into our world with all Nature behind us and the whole glory of the Universe.  We are microcosmic replicas of our Cosmos.  The same qualities and forces that uphold the Cosmos, uphold us it in us, and us in it.  Our true destiny lies not with the expression of the material elements in our make-up, but with the expression of our spiritual elements.  Those universal qualities as unity, harmony, compassion, and love are the core out of which our true essence emanated.

By believing that our essence and value centers around "making a living" and our relation to what we materially have, we reduce our potential range of life to the lowest and narrowest quality, and constrict the breath of our hopes and dreams.  However, by directing our human will towards our highest essence, we naturally entire into the porthole of the governing forces and qualities of the Cosmos, and infinitely expand the possibilities of our lives, hopes, and dreams; in so doing, we fulfill our true destiny.    
   

the Christmas Tree

There is no part of a Christmas Tree I do not like.: its pungent scent, its perpetual greenness, its spiraling shape pointing towards the heavens, its tenacious will for life even after being cut away from Mother Earth, and its wonderful compliment of colored garlands, ornaments, and lights.  What a wondrous site.!

The affinity I have for Christmas Trees goes back to the beginning of my memories, and
 all of those memories are associated with feelings of peace and joy.  I remember that on the first night of the day my family and I "put up" the Christmas Tree, I would get out of bed while every one was asleep and "plug in" the Tree's lights.  Then I would sit at the "feet" of the Tree absorbing its celestial radiance.  I was especially attracted to the lights on the Tree: the reds, golds, greens, whites, and the blues, as they spiraled the Tree from its top to its bottom, awakening the night with a dazzle of twinkles.  I felt such comfort, peace, and joy just sitting there next to the Christmas Tree. 

Even now so many years from my first memories, I still get those same feelings when ever I am near a Christmas Tree. Of course, as I got older I came to understand that my deep feelings associated with Christmas Trees were not unique.  Many people the world over are deeply affected by Christmas Trees.  An evergreen, decorated with lights is a powerful symbol in and of itself, but combining it with reference to part of the earth's cycle, the Winter Solstice, greatly enhances the power of the Christmas Tree to affect human's hearts and minds.

Trees have been powerful symbols used by human beings in all cultures, ancient and modern, to signify endurance, wisdom, transformation, and high aspiration.  There is the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, who's fruit when ingested transformed humans from unconsciousness and amorality to the knowledge of good and evil igniting self-awareness and responsibility.  There is the World Tree, who's roots are growing from the heavens, and its limbs and leaves are attached to earth.  It symbolizes the universal connection between the spiritual and material sides of life, our dualistic natures.  The World Tree has been recorded in the ancient symbols of Hindu scriptures, in the symbols of ancient Maya, Inca, and Toltec civilizations, found also in the symbols of ancient Europe, and preserved to this day in the Scandinavian  Eddas.

Another powerful element ingredient with the Christmas Tree, is light.  Light is an essential part of our living experience.  The light brings renewal, clarity, and hope to our souls, and as such provides us with direction.  When this powerful symbol is related to the Winter Solstice and the Christmas Tree, we catch a quick glimpse at its quintessential, symbolic power.  The Winter Solstice is a part of the earth's yearly cycle, where the Sun's light is at its shortest exposure.  That is , the number of hours in a day that the Sun is exposed relative to night is its lowest.  This position of the Sun at its most southern point, represents the end of the earth's yearly cycle.  The old year, and all its trails and conquests have burnt out, and in great hope and anticipation the birth of a new year is ushered in with the beginning of the Sun's journey back north.  From the point of the Winter Solstice on, the Sun's light will slowly begin to over take the night, culminating at the Summer Solstice in June.

The Christmas Tree wraps those power symbols (Tree, Winter Solstice, light), together in an irresistible display of endurance, hope, and continuity.  Is there any wonder why, Jesus the Christ's birth was assigned to the period of the Winter Solstice?  Is there ant wonder why, the Christmas Tree fells me with such peace and joy?

Dear Reader, have a wonderful holiday season, and may the light of the new year fill your heart with inspirational dreams of joy.

   

How is it possible to change our mind-grooved behaviors?

The most effective, general practice to change our negative, mind-grooved behaviors is to begin meditating, (look into my blog archive for "meditation-a discipline of mind," published 12-8-11).  The practice of meditation works at the heart of change, by disciplining our wild mind, little by little, to   focus entirely on whatever we need our mind to attend to, and for however long.  Because most of us are rookie mediators, our mind endurance is very weak, giving little capacity to focus our mind for even a few seconds or minutes. For example, sitting in our meditation posture we commit our attention to following our breath, in and out, within less than ten seconds, our mind has shifted from our breath.  The discipline comes when we notice the shift of mind and consciously bring our mind back to our breath; each time our focus is returned to our breath a stepping stone is built that in time will carry us to our desired change.  There is a Zen koan which reads, "Before the archer releases  the arrow the target is hit."  This is the kind of mind control that is needed to change. The resources I used to learn how to meditate are two books: Suzuki's "Zen mind, beginner's mind," and Eknath Easwarn's, "Conquest of Mind."   I am certain that with little research you could find many helpful resources that would aid you in finding a suitable meditation practice.  Trying to change one's behavior by using our conscious mind to train our unconscious mind is not an easy task.  It takes many years of training, with many failed tries, just like attempting anything that is worthwhile.  Socrates admonishes us, ..."an unexamined life is not worth living."...

Keep in mind that there are gradients of grooved-mind behaviors, from the Lilliputians, to the dragon, sized mind-grooved behaviors.  The  Lilliputian grooved behaviors attack us in rapid succession, it is like Lao-tse describes as 1000 voices speaking to us all at once.  These however, can be easily vanquished by simply making your mind aware of them.  The more aggressive of these kind of behaviors, can be dealt with by being conscious of them, plus by saying, out loud or silently, to our self, "out," "not this," "be gone" or something equivalent, each time they enter our mind.  Those grooved-mind behaviors that we have labored on for an extended time, must be brought to your consciousness, than use an opposing affirmation against it.  A helpful book of how to create and use affirmations is by, Louise L. Hay, called, "You Can Heal Your Life."   Keep in "mind" that your negative  grooved-mind comes from the same source as your positive grooved-mind behaviors: so it becomes a double edged sword.  The result comes from your desire of which edge of the sword is wheeled, the negative edge or the positive edge.   You now have a slight peek into the operation of your dual nature.  A apt example of using a positive to rub out a negative mind-grooved behavior is the "Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi:"

             Lord make me an instrument of thy peace.
             Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
             Where there is injury, pardon;
             Where there is doubt, faith;
             Where there is despair, hope;
             Where is darkness, light;
             Where there is sadness, joy;
          (I am sure you get the idea)

The tactics that are used to fight off the Lilliputian mind-grooved behaviors are only a preparation for the dragon sized mind-grooved behaviors.  These obsessive/elemental behaviors are monsters of the Id, monsters of the astral kind, that can infiltrate and affect your heart, mind, and soul.  You can begin to attack them on one level at a time, for example  at the heart level, but great difficulty soon arrives because they can operate on the mind and/or the soul level.  If that were not enough difficulty, after you slay one of them on a particular level, you must be continually alert for their reappearance, because the slayer, (which is yourself) is made from the same stuff as the slayed; you must "slay the slayer,"  (by renouncing, or another apt word, crucifying, (a hint at the esoteric meaning of Jesus the Christ's crucifixion),  and transforming the slayer.  You must take an extremely, long view and  dig in, deep for victory; this is not a skirmish but an all out war,  as the saying goes, "Sometimes you eat the bear, and sometimes the bear eats you."  However, in each advance there is a small victory; it is in the accumulation of motivation and effort.  Soon you will have built such a powerful force that even the sun and moon must range to it or be pulverized by the load.

In chapter three of the Bhagavad-Gita, Arjuna asks, Krishna, "By what is man propelled to commit offences; seemingly against his will and as if constrained by some secret force?"  Krishna answers, "It is lust which instigates him.  It is passion, sprung from the quality of "rajas," (one of the three great qualities; the driving power of nature; active and bad), insatiable and full of sin.  Know this to be the enemy of man on earth.   As the flame is surrounded by smoke, and as the womb envelops the foetus, so is the universe surrounded by this passion.  By this-the common enemy of the wised man, formed from desire which rageth like fire and is never to be appeased-is discriminative knowledge surrounded.  Its empire is over the senses and organs, the thinking principle, and the discriminating faculty also; by means of these it cloudeth discrimination and deludes the Lord of the body.  Therefore, at the very outset restraining thy senses, thou shouldst conquer this sin which is the destroyer of knowledge and spiritual discernment."...  Krishna is awaking Arjuna's innate spiritual knowledge so that he may perform his natural duty as a worrier.  In a metaphoric sense Arjuna is us, embarking on our quest for our true, natural Self, and becoming self initiated onto the path of the Mystic Worrier.  By choosing the mystic path you will have evoked a force in nature and set up a current and vibration which will go on no matter what you do. 

So, your challenge and task is to depose your imposed mind-grooved behaviors using the same mental energy/forces that were used to create our negative, mind-grooved behaviors, the irony of all ironies.  By rubbing positive, focused consciousness, spiritual discrimination and knowledge, meditation, verbal  statements, affirmations, and worrier's spirit, against our mind-grooved, negative behaviors, it becomes possible to wash our spirit clean.

I leave you with an inspiring quote from Katherine Tingley, a Theosophist, from her book, "The Path of the Mystic,"  "To reach the truth there must be in an aspiring mind a certain quality of resolution, determination, and yet the truth is all about us, sweeping as on invisible currents into the very atmosphere in which we live.  It is as though brooding over the world in its sorrow were a great urge, a great soulful power, standing between Deity and man's endeavor to rise and go unto his own.  It is the real intermediator, and one feels its presents when in one's highest mood."... 

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