parent child rerlationship

The birth of a child proceeds from a divine source.  When a child springs into life it has all Nature behind it, and the whole glory of the living Universe.  It begins its life not as a new creation, but as an old soul coming into this world out of the past having lived time and time and time again.  Thus there are endless possibilities in this new life; wisdom gained in ancient lives which may manifest itself at anytime during its new life-time. Yet at the same time, the newly reincarnated soul is closed in on all sides, held in by the physical and psychological influences of the age born into, and of the experiences and belief system of the parents. 

Parents are relatively inadequate when it comes to dealing with growing children.  If there are any spiritual problems affecting children at any time, it is likely the fault of the parents.  The parents do not err from lack of love, but from not viewing their children as souls.  Kahil Gibran, in his book, "The Prophet" reminds us:
                 ...Your children are not your children.
                    They are the sons and daughters of life's longing
                       for itself.
                    They come through you but not from you,
                    And though they are with you, yet they belong
                       not to you.

Nature never leaps in Her unfolding Drama of Evolution. She moves ever so gradually, building upon that which was previously built.  Human character follows this deliberate course of Nature, and does not change over night.  Consequently, even contrary to popular belief, children are no worse and no better then where their parents, and the same fundamental problems of human character that face their parents face them.  For instance, a child's mind is very susceptible to suggestion, and it is within this universal aspect of a child's character that all manner of problems can be spawned.  For example, a mother will often unconsciously fan the vanity of her small daughter by too much concentration on her outward appearance; flattering the outer self and personal pride, while stunting the impersonal dignity, which is the soul side.  These seeds sown in childhood, selfishness, vanity and false pride, blossom when the child becomes a young woman and leaves the protection of her home.  Though the outward beauty and charm may remain, the better part of the young woman's nature has receded because it found no place in her mind to work and grow.  The foes of her own household had conquered and occupied all her mentality, and she moves into danger.  The mother and daughter blame everyone but themselves because neither had been taught anything about her real nature or how to recognize and oppose the enemy within. 

Besides being susceptible to suggestion, a child loves the ideal, the beautiful, what strikes it as strong and grand.  This universal characteristic easily leads a child into hero-worship.  How many parents have witnessed the ease and accuracy of their child imitating the attitude and behavior of a person whom the child views, in some way, as a hero?  There isn't anything that fascinates the mind of a child so much as a striking example.

These insights into a child's fundamental character most probably, do not surprise anyone, for they are familiar characteristics and easily recognizable.  Given these widely recognized and understood characteristics of children, common sense says that the best practice in bringing up growing children is to set good examples. A striking example seen daily before a child's eye is worth years of talking, preaching, training, and years and years of reading books that are stuck under their nose.

Thus the best practice that parents can follow in bring up their children is to set good, sound examples of how to live. Usually parent's try the practice of preaching at their children, giving them brain-mind schemes to do this, and schemes to do that, all of which the child sees as, 'Do as I say, not as I do."  This kind of practice will only result in developing the same ethical inconsistences of the parents into the child.

Where should a parent set the good example?  It should be set in the home.  What examples should the parents set;? examples of courtesy and kindness.  Let the child see daily examples of unremitting kindness and courtesy at home.  What does that involve?  In involves self-control, and actual desire to be kindly and courteous to others.  This is a wonderful discipline which a child understands and admires, and these things are not forgotten.  In a home where there are lackadaisical conditions, small acts of selfishness, i.e. taking the easiest chair, better light, larger portions, a child becomes lackadaisical, unambitious to improve, discourteous to others because too lazy to be courteous.  Besides setting examples of kindness and courteous, parents should talk to their children as reasoning beings, and not as none-reasoning beings.  Bribing a child is an act which degrades its responsibility.  The child despises in its heart those actions that their parents do in order to win acquiescence.  What kind of love is the parent fostering by such actions?

Parents make your homes centers of kindness and courtesy, and your children will sense it, see it, and copy it, and they will learn as they copy, that it takes self-control to do it, to give up what I want in order to do a courteous act to others.  They will begin to see and feel that others have got the same feeling that they have, that others too admire kindness and courtesy, promoting the feeling of fellowship.  Than the old idea of children honoring their parents well become instinctive, born in the hearts and minds of your children, and not some obligation, duty or commend, because they have seen their parents honor, honor, respect, respect, and revere, reverence.   




 
    

cosmic urge

Years ago I had written a poem called, "Cosmic Urge."  Recently I have been contemplating this idea of cosmic urge.  I want to share with you the poem, and next revel the results of my current contemplation. 

              I am perpetually seeking for something that no amount of passion, food,
              wealth or power can satisfy. Does this urge of seeking satisfaction confirm my
              unexplained hunger? What is this thrust I feel that knows not quenching?
              Its seems that every attempt at satisfaction is inferior, and yet there is
             some little, unconscious glimmer of hope that there is an ultimate satisfaction. 
            
             Its that omnipresent urge that presses for satisfaction.  It seems an eternal cosmic
             force.  Maybe, satisfaction is reveled by surrendering to the urge and following
             its lead, like a wondering pilgrim moving towards the beckoning star, promising
             salvation, promising final liberation.

I believe that all of us have felt the force of this urge,  It shows its affect when we are inspired to do better, to win an Olympic Gold Medal, going from a 2.0 grade point  to a 3.0, moving from a business associate level, to a senior level, some of us are urged to clime Mount Everest.  What ever the urge towards our goal my be, we strive for fulfillment, and even failure may not stop our striving, so we pursue it over and over.  Once we reach the fulfillment of our urge we reap our reward, satisfaction, but we learn quickly that our satisfaction is only temporary.  We become disappointed, but we notice too that the urge remains with us.  We are compelled to keep on striving, seeking satisfaction.  It has not awakened within us, as yet, the understanding that this urge is a cosmic urge, a spiritual urge.  All the urges that emanate from our physical body are limited, meaning that what ever the satisfaction received it is only temporary, truly an unfulfilling and a disappointing life experience.  However, when the urge is directed towards the dimension of spirituality every striving is uplifted.  The whole dimension of spirituality is to grow beyond the physical, to taste something beyond the physical.

From where does this cosmic urge originate?  In my blog, "Infinite God" I wrote that within the composite that makes up our physical body there is a "god-spark" put there by the Supreme Spirit, although hidden by the physical limitations of the human body.  It is this "god-spark" that is the source of the cosmic urge.  It is the Supreme Spirit that calls us forth, urges us, to seek ultimate satisfaction and fulfillment, by acknowledging our heritage and inserting our self with our Source.      
             

infinite god

When people talk about god usually his attributes are mentioned, and the one attribute mentioned foremost is his infinity.  People understand this concept of infiniteness as limitless, without boundaries, continuation without barriers. but when they try to find an objective, observable model, they only find shadows and speculations.  In their continued attempt to clarify the meaning, they  begin to anthropomorphize their understanding. This allows them to attribute human characteristics to god.  Now, they can extend the attributes on a more objective bases, for example: ominousness, omnipresent, all merciful, etc.  The monumental obstacle for satisfactorily understanding, is that infinity is on a metaphysical plane which is completely incompatible with the physical plane.  The best outcome for any enquiry is paradox.  Just because a specific word can be used to label meaning, it does not necessarily also give it a relevance's .   A succinct example of this objectifying the metaphysical for understanding the physical comes from the field of astral  physics.  The scientists theorized a subatomic particle they called the Haggs boson.  They believed that this particle was the elemental, universal particle involved with all manifestation.  They gave it a nick name, the "God particle."  Although they agreed that the nick name had a viable meaning, it created only another paradox between infinity and matter.  There is just no way the highest human reasoning can come to truth about the infinite, because all human reasoning needs a dualistic, objective subject to base its judgments. 

Where, you my ask, does that leave us truth seeking humans in knowing the Supreme Spirit?  If our highest human reason cannot reach an understanding of  Infinite God is there than no pathway available?  There is a preliminary pathway with diverse  branches open to us, but the final understanding comes with complete renunciation of the material world, which is a necessary, preparation not to intellectual, understanding, but to the actual becoming the divine within.  Just as the aspirant's complete desire, with perfect devotion and faith, is needed to become his guru in order to become enlightened, so too is the achievement of becoming the divine within.  The aspiration to become divine seems totally out of the range of human possibility.  If it is possible what is the pathway to becoming divine?

In the Bible, there is a clue to the pathway, in Genesis 1-27,  "So God created human beings, making them to be like himself."  Another Bible clue, which is much clearer, comes from the New Testament, St. Paul's Letter to the Colossians, I-25,26,27, "And I have been made a servant of the Church by God, who gave me this task to perform for your good.  It is the task of fully proclaiming his message, which is the secret he hid through all past ages from all mankind but has now reveled to his people.  God's plan is to make known his secret to his people, this rich and glorious secret which he has for all peoples.  And the secret is that Christ is in you, which means that you will share in the glory of God."  In Luke, 17-20,20, another clue comes forth, "The kingdom of god is within you."  Gautama the Buddha states, "Be lamps unto thyself...," knowing that within all manifestation lies a spark of the divine, and that awareness can be used to become our divine Self.  This than, is our natural, divine heritage, however hid within the folds of our physical bodies as a secret.  A glorious secret that when understood brings us together with our Source. 

For more understanding go to my blog, "The Causeless Cause," 8-20-13.

"The sleeper must awaken."

The title is from the science fiction book, "Dune" by Frank Herbert.  This title is most apt today because we have allowed our technologies to be a substitute for truth and wisdom, merely by stating  a much lower dominator of facts and information.  We have artificial intelligent machines speaking to our "smart" phones and computers, answering our superfluous questions, like "Who is buried in Grant's tome?  Of course I am being sarcastic, and I am aware that some of the information is helpful, but I fear that such reliance will eventually erase our capability to seek truth and transform it into wisdom.  We must not take the seeming easy course by letting alga rhythms substitute for our human reason: "the sleeper must awaken."

We live in an era described by our cultural savants as the "Age of Instant Communication."  Most people would nod their head in agreement to the above statement.  Most people would agree too, that it is scientific technology, which is the fuel behind this age of communication, and also behind most all of our country's economic and evolutionary progress.  All of our hope for a better tomorrow therefore, seems to rest entirely within the advancement of scientifically, applied technology. Consequently, the logic of our collective belief system tells us that all the major problems existing within our culture and in the world will ultimately succumb to the future technologies of science.  We would say, "It is only a matter of time before world hunger, energy from none fossilized sources, optimum health,  alleviation of the aging  process, etc., will be mastered by  technologies adapted from scientific theories.

Because of our strong faith in science, we have unconsciously begun to worship at the alter of its technology.  For most of us scientific theory has advanced far beyond our intellectual understanding, but we can directly experience its truth through ownership and operation of its technology, ie "smart" phones, computers, etc.  For example, by owing and operating a computer we directly participate in the esoteric, scientific theories that are the creative bases behind this technology, even though we have no understanding of those  basic theories.  This ownership and operational use of scientific technology gives us a feeling of mastery, and it is this feeling of mastery that motivates us into the mysteries of science.  

As we wrap the cloak of scientific mystery tighter around us, we lose our awareness of where all of scientific theories and technologies originate, and trade that lose for the ability to compulsively manipulate the technology for fun and entertainment.  We forget that all scientific theories, technologies, and innovations, no matter how extraordinary, are the creations from a human mind, and are not miraculous manifestations from a divine source.  As such, they contain, not only the human mind's great capacity for creation, but also its great impulse to become entangled in its own narrow and selfish desires. 

If we closely examine the primary motivations moving most all of scientific technological development in our society today, we will find that underneath the scientific mystical veil, beats a heart of greed, selfish ambition, power, ownership, and domination.  All of which is played out upon a field of intense competition and urgency.  This disturbing  realization tells us that the fuel firing our entire economy does not originate from our highest virtues, but from our lowest.  Thus the values we live by today are of the lowest quality.  We value money over morality, power over equanimity, dominance over cooperation, and pretentiousness over humility.  In transposing  our values we have become unsuspected victims of our own narrow and selfish motivations, and have planted the seed of our destruction within our own house. 

It is time to awaken from our self-indulgent stupor and remember that scientific technology originates from our own minds.  We therefore have the capacity to direct our inventions with a clear mind, and to nourish those technologies whose roots are deep within the soil of social balance and harmony.  We must awaken and recall that we are all relations living on "spaceship earth,"  and that what each of us does, touches us all, for good or ill.  As the poet said, 'you cannot disturb a flower without affecting the entire cosmos.'  It is time for us to awaken and to begin to live our lives according to our highest values: where character is valued over appearance, morality over money, equanimity over power, cooperation over dominance,  and humility over pretentiousness.    

              

"the one who walks beside"

There is an American Indian phrase that is used to designate the person who walks beside another, through out their life; it is, "the one who walks beside."  This simple expression is clearly referring to a spouse, a best friend, a brother, a sister, etc., who, regardless of the kind of conditions or circumstances that surround the beloved person, will walk by his or her's side.  This kind of relationship exudes characteristics of loyalty, love, support, protection, respect, selflessness: my wife would say, "they are attached at the hip."

 This phrase accurately describes the relationship my wife and I had.  She was the one who walked beside.  I say "was" because my wife passed away, unexpectedly Dec. 11, 2015.  My wife, Mary Lou, was  not feeling well after Thanksgiving.  She complained of stomach pains, thinking she had an urinary infection, which she had had several times previous.  We went to urgent care, and she was diagnosed with a severe urinary infection, and was given three antibiotic pills.  Mary Lou seemed satisfied that the pills would cure her infection, as they had on previous occasions, and she would be fully recovered in three days.  The next day, Mary Lou wasn't feeling any better and complained of lower back pain and a severe headache.  We went to see an orthopedic doctor who took x-rays of her lower  back with the result that, other than some arthritis her lumbar area was fine.  The next day Mary Lou was getting weaker. and we decided to go to the hospital emergency facility.  She was so weak that she could not put on her socks and shoes, I had to put them on her feet.

It was 2;30pm when she was wheeled into the emergency room, and immediately the staff begin to take her vitals,  Her blood pressure was over 200.  Her breathing was fast and labored; they gave her oxygen.  They dripped a drug into her vein to relax her, and to help with her headache.  Their immediate tests did not reveal a satisfactory diagnosis.  Next, the lead doctor decided to give her a MRI.  After the MRI they moved her back into the emergency room, where we had to wait for the results.  I was by her side as we waited for the results, she told me 'to go get something to eat.'  I told her "I was fine;" there was no way I was going to leave her side.

The lead doctor came into the room with a diagnosis.  With no empathy, she describes the diagnosis as, acute myeloblastic leukemia, she and her colleagues were certain of their diagnosis because Mary Lou's white blood count was over 300,000. The normal range of white blood cells in a body. is about 10,000.  Mary Lou and I were shocked, This diagnosis, seemed out of the blue and way beyond our expectations.  The lead doctor went on to say that they could do no more for Mary Lou, and recommended that she be transported to the U. of Minnesota Hospital where they have a greater capacity to treat that kind of leukemia.  We agreed, and begin to wait for the transport ambulance. My wife looked at me and said, "I will not be the same," meaning she will lose her mental awareness with all the invasive drugs and treatments.  I knew she was right.  Next she said, "Pray for me, and not to your God, but my God."  I said, "Yes I will," and added,  "they are both the same God."  Mary Lou began to call my name several times, I answered, "What?" she said that she just liked saying my name.  Than she said, "You will have to be strong."  That was a telltale sign to me that she knew she would not make it out alive, and that  I needed to be strong for the children and grandchildren.

Mary Lou's blood pressure was still over 200, and the lead doctor dripped a drug into Mary Lou's vein that would help to reduce her high blood pressure  The drug was working, Mary Lou's blood pressure was falling, but it fall too low.  Now the lead doctor call for another drug line that would rise Mary Lou's blood pressure, but her right arm was full up with lines, so they had to use her left arm.  They could not find a suitable vein, they began to move her on her side, then on to her back, through all that chaos, Mary Lou cried our, "I feel dizzy, I feel dizzy, I feel dizzy." I knew right than, after her last words were spoken, that  she had passed, but the emergency room team continued  to work to revive my wife with no success.  They pronounced her dead at 6:50 pm. 

While the emergency room team, (there were at least eight people) began to pack up their tools and sweep up the debris, a compassionate team member was consoling me and asked if I would like to have the hospital's Chaplin come to talk to me.  My first response was "No," but I remembered that I had promised my wife that I would pray for her, so I consented to have the Chaplin talk to me..  The Chaplin was of the Catholic Faith, and read words from a holy book, and then he and I said the Lord's Prayer.  To my great sorrow, I walked out of the hospital alone, without  "the one who walks beside."

Its has been over two month now since Mary Lou passed, and although I am still emotionally fragile, I have partially processed the experience.  I would like to pass along my understandings to you, with the hope that they may bring helpful insights for you in matters of death and relationships. 

(Insights Within Matters of Death)  There is a great ambiguity that is true for all humans, whether you like it or not.  This ambiguity is a super, imposed effect of living a human life.  It is an unseeming, unreasonable condition beyond our intellectual reasoning power to understand.  The ambiguity within human life is that, the very nature of our existence is forever changing, on both micro and macro levels.  Everything, as the ancient philosophers said, is constantly in flux.  As we move through this changing nature of life, we become anxious and fearful, and in order to combat or some how control this perpetual change, we use our consciousness and intelligence to stabilize, status-quotize, the bombardment of changes attacking us.  This constant combat puts us under great stress.

How do we use our intelligence and reasoning power to bring our lives into a semblance of stability?  We do it by assigning a value to our sensations and experiences.  For instance, for every sensation or experience we assign a like, dislike, or neutral value, along with their related behaviors and emotions.  As we move through our lives we create a grand grid, where all experiences and all sensations can be properly fixed.  When new sensations or experiences arise we have only to match their relative correspondence to that particular part of the grid, and fix it in.  Ironically, even though we have labored hard to stabilize our lives, "change," is immune to our self created grid, and relentlessly marches on.  There is an apt saying, "If you want to make God laugh tell Him your plans"

It isn't until you have noticed, "...the eternal footman hold your coat and snicker," that your entire grid begins to crack  Just like driving your car in a Winter snow storm, brings a high probability of getting stuck or into a wreck, no matter what your car's worth or its technical capabilities. Winter snow is the great equalizer, but the greatest equalizers of our human condition are,  old-age and death.  So, no matter what we do, think or say old-age and death will come to us all. This inevitable condition of our lives brings us the greatest ambiguity.  In our quest for control and stability we live our life how we would like it to be, rather than living life exactly as it is.  This distinction has more subtlety then there appears; give it some thought.   

Over the course of human reflection certain distinct elements have been identified in the make-up of human beings.  Humans are composite beings, and their composition can be identified and classified, yet these elements represent more than their naming and ordering.  Christian teaching breaks these elements into three: body, soul, spirit, with Hindu and Oriental teaching breaking them down into, 5, 7, 10, or 12, elements.  When physical death accrues there ensues to the body, not a lose of life , but a lose of individualized coherence (the breaking down of the composite elements of life). In other words, the once individualized unity of the body, after death, becomes diffused; it becomes diffused without the dominating control of a centralized inner government, (the hierarchy of elements).  In truth, physical death is not an autonomous force, a "purblind doomster" that destroys life, but paradoxically, it is life which is the cause of physical death.  Life's unfolding field of consciousness spreads beyond the capacity of the physical body to contain it, consequently the body, over a period of time, deteriorates to the point of being cast off; this entire process is what we term physical death.

The moment we are born into this world, the countdown to our physical death begins.  This inevitable preconditioned effect is not emotionally, psychologically, physically, or spiritually,  easy to absorb.  At this point in our evolutionary development, we are primarily link-in to the material world. We are building our egos, as the poet Delmore Schwartz writes,  upon "the scrimmage of appetite every ware,"  We grow our ego while at the same time strangling our higher selves, our souls and spirit.  Death is our constant companion, therefore, find a way to embrace death as a companion, then understand it as a natural process and to surrender and let Universal Nature take its course.

Here is a poem I wrote that may give you a little perspective, its called, "Does anyone know what it is like?"

               "Danny's dead!  It  can not be.  I played
                   handball with him two days ago.  He seemed fine then."
               He died sitting in his chair in front of the T.V,
                  reading the TV Guide.
               Two days ago I had a friend, today he is gone.  The
                  unsettling part of that idea is that I am in the same
                  death march line as Danny.  His death moves me
                  closer to my death.
               As soon as your life is spawned on Earth so is your
                  death.  Since your position in the line of death begins so
                  far behind, it takes decades to realize you'ar even
                  in line. However, the movement is relentless, closer,
                  closer, second by second.  You call those ahead of
                  you in the line, "Does anyone know what's its like?"
                  No answer, only the steady movement forward.
               Each generation marches with growing trepidation to
                  the precipice of death, and inevitably falls in.  One by
                  one, another generation gone and marching in the rear,
                  the next generation.
               Each calling ahead, as did the previous generation, "Does
                  anyone now what's like?  If you do please tell me." 
                  And as always, no answer, only the steady movement
                  towards the inevitable.
  For more understanding see, "I saw the eternal footman hold my coat and snicker" 9-24-09 archives.

(Insight within Matters of Relationships)  Let's reiterate what was said about the human elements that make up the life force of the human being, and then expand on them.  We will use the three elements designated by the Christians: spirit, soul, body,(they are displayed hierarchically, spirit being the highest). The spirit/soul elements enter the body via a vortexual movement, through the crown of the body, and infiltrates all atoms, molecules, and cells of the body.  This vortexual movement expands out wards in what is known as an aura; auric fields that surround the body.  I know, I know, you are probably saying to yourself, "What does all this metaphysical stuff have to do with relationships."  Please stay with me, I promise an explanation will be forth coming.  (If this subject sounds interesting to you, a good resource is Jack Schwarz's book, "Human Energy Systems.")  There are people that can see the life force vortex and the aura: Jack Schwarz was one who could see auras.  He used that vision to help heal people. 

We therefore, move through our lives interacting and intergrading within the full spectrum of our life force elements.  In other words, within our auric field we are engaging and intergrading our physical, psychological, soul and spiritual elements with all beings, as are they engaging and intergrading their full spectrum of  life force elements with us.  So, we are relating on all levels, high and low, with all beings which we encounter whether we realize it or not.  Lets give an example, boy meets girl, and there is an attraction.  Remember this attraction occurs not merely on the physical level, but also on the higher soul/spirit levels.  At the beginning of a relationship there is intense use of energy, ranging from all levels of life force elements.  As the relationship matures, there is a movement towards the mundane because of our current, evolutionary position, leaning toward the material side.  The soul/spirit elements begin to freeze, and the relationship settles into responsibilities and duties. Love, although still residing within the relationship environment, has low energy, having been suppressed.  This is the time in a relationship when a hero is needed to step-up.  The hero is usually the woman, because of her natural, caring heart, although men are also capable.  The hero subdues the tension, anger, arguing, and positioning for who is right and who is wrong, with sincere touch, hug, kiss, or loving words.  The hero might appear to be submissive, by losing her pride and assertiveness, but to the hero the loss is small compared to the quieting of the unrest, and the return of love. My great regret is that sometimes I would hang on to my anger, instead of moving quickly into love.  I certainly knew better, but I was selfish and stayed in my anger; no good ever came of that desire.

As the relationship grows into old age all the anguish of younger days seems to blow away, like smoke from a fire blown by the wind.  You begin to see from a higher perspective and to become aware of your world as it really is, rather then how you want it to be, or not; remember there is  a dark side to life and if you labored steadily in that realm you would have built a powerful web, difficult to untangle from,  In Pema Chodron book , "Living Beautifully," she says, "All the wars, all the hatred, all the ignorance in the world comes out of being so invested in our opinions.  And at the bottom, those opinions are merely our effort to escape the underlying uneasiness of being human; the uneasiness of feeling like we can't get ground under our feet."  Also in Pema's book is a symbol related by one of her teachers, that intends to measure the quality of a human's life.  The symbol is a black rectangle with pin wholes of light puncturing through the blackness.  Each pin whole light represents an unconditional act of love.  The measurement of the quality of a  human's life is by the number of pin whole lights in relationship to the darkness.  The greater number of pin whole lights the higher the quality of human life, and the lower number of pin whole light the lower is the quality of human life.  May the power of your love puncture the darkness like the morning sun. 

coma esta Pa, Pa

I am on a veranda in Montecatini, Italy, thinking of my Pa, Pa.  My Pa, Pa immigrated from Italy when he was 18 years old.  He was born and raised in the District of Foggia, in the town of St. Agatha.  My nephew, Chris did some research and found that Pa, Pa entered the U.S. from Boston; every one in the family believed that he entered from New York and immediately traveled to Chicago where his sister Florence lived.  It is a point of regret that I took my parents as strictly parents, and never thought to ask questions about  the full expanse of their lives.

What I do know about my Pa, Pa was, he was a quiet man, who loved to laugh, to talk Italian to his pisano's, from Chicago, who never complained, and above all, loved his family.  Here is an example of his deep family love: Pa, Pa was a diabetic, and within the course of his disease he was diagnosed with angina and glaucoma.  This was a devastating diagnose for him because he knew that he would be completely blind.  Pa, Pa and I were alone in the hospital room, he looked at me and said, "This is the end of our family."  He did not express fear, anger, self-pity nor did he begin to rant and rave, only the sadness of ending our family. 

Don't get the wrong idea that every thing was the rosy hew of dawn, remember that the dawn chases darkness.  I wrote a  poem after Pa, Pa passed away, on June 10, at 66 years old:

Death comes to my Pa, Pa

My eyes were dry, I took his hand, warmth in a wasted man. I stroked his head, 'please Pa don"t be dead.'
We shared a family place, but how unfamiliar his face.  A spectra, a t-shirted form speaking to me of sports.  "Rocky Caliveto, hit another home run.  He does it with strong wrists.   Did you see that left-hook, like a slap from a lion's paw."
'Pa why didn't you talk to me the way you did my friends?  Pa, did you love other women?  Make mistakes when you were young?  Pa what was growing up in Italy like?
'Damn your soul!'  I threw his hand to his sunken chest.  'You left me without showing me what it is to be a man.'
My eyes were wet , when they took him away in the van.

I had pervious opportunities to visit Italy.  In 1952, my  Pa, Pa made plans to visit his family in Italy, and asked if I wanted to go.  I was 9 years old, and had just "made" the Home Store team of the newly formed Roseland, Little League.  Practice was to start two weeks before Pa, Pa was scheduled to leave.  All the best ball-players in the neighborhood were on the various teams, and plus, to ware a hat with the capital letter "R" was high status.  I said "No" to my Pa, Pa.  If I would have had a clearer mind at the time, I would have said "Yes."  Even now, 73 years later, I have  difficulty setting the  needs of others first, before my needs; maybe some of you can relate.  Another opportunity that was lost  came in the late 70's.  I was preparing to travel to Italy: carried over a couple weeks of vacation time, saved about $5000. dollars, and started Italian speaking lessons.  Than my travel plans were trashed when I decided to open up a Cross Country Ski business.  Finally, at age 72, I arrived in my Pa, Pa's homeland, Italy. 

Here is my second poem, I wrote about my Pa, Pa.  It should reveal some wisdom I gained over the years.

Years to be a man

'Pa forgive me, I didn't understand.  It took me 40 years to learn to be a man.  I was blind, and listened only to my need.  I could not hear over my emotional greed.  Your love was stamped upon my chest; yet, I didn't accepted it believing it wasn't the best.

'Pa, Pa I am sorry; what manner of man have I become, to decline the precious gift you freely given.  We Shared a family place, how selfish was my face.'

     Bravo Pa, Pa         

                                                                                                           

tick-tock-the tyranny of time

       Tick-tock, tick-tock, time answers to no one, but everyone
       answers to time.  We all march, lock step to the tick of the
       seconds, minutes, hours.

       Tick-tock, up at 7:00am, toilet, dress, breakfast, to be
       completed by 8:00am in order to arrive at work by 9:00am.
       Start at 9:00am, half hour lunch at 12:00pm, 15 minute break
       at 1:30pm, finish at 5:00pm.   The tyranny of time does not
       stop there.  We continue our march to the tick of time, until
       finely, conclude at 11:00pm in bed to sleep for 8 hours; than
       ring, ring, start the monotonous sequence, over and over again.

      Tick-tock, no time to 'smell the roses,' 'cease the day,' smile at
      some one, tick-tock, no time to listen to the leaves as the wind
      whistles through them, hear the children at play screaming and
      laughing, to breath in the Autumn air feeling its freshness, for
      watching the clouds slip through the sky; for this, for every
      thing, we don't have time; "little we see in nature that is ours;
      a sorted boon."

     You there! Open your window high and yell defiantly, "Hell no!
      No more a slave to the tick-tock of time, I am unhooking my chains,
      and walking free!"  Than set your will and imagination to the task
      of tick-tock never more.



              
                                I keep the beat


                 I keep the beat: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM
                   It is the beat of my being.
                There was a time I knew nothing of its rhythm.  Than I
                   moved at a swift pace, breaking down occasionally. 
                   It was those breaks, gaps, silences I heard the beat of
                   my being.
                Now I sit at my drum, setting its rhythm to the beat
                   my heart: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
                My heart beat is set to the heart beat of the Cosmos.
                   In this sacred harmony I dance to the cosmic pulse
                   and live by the heart beat: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
               Through the transformations of my life,
                    I keep the beat.
               Through the betrayals, jealousies, hatreds,
                    I keep the beat.
               Through the lies, manipulations, flatteries,
                    I keep the beat.
               Through the political hypocrisy, economic insanity,
                    religious bigotry,
                    I keep the beat.
               And when my rhythm sometimes falters and fades,
                    through doubt, fear, anger,
                    I keep the beat, and its percussion grows stronger
                    and louder: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.
               I keep the beat because I know it to be True.  It fills me
                    with peace and joy: BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM, BAM-BAM.